I am such a fucked up person who cant hide her own feelings from others. While trying to avoid any attention given by others to me, i add on and get more attention even without wanting to. I detest myself more than i detest anyone. I wish i didnt exist more than i wish anyone else didnt exist. I'll kill myself more than i ever want to kill anyone. And at the end, all i wanted was someone who i can talk to about every single shit and be myself without worrying they will leave. I feel bad saying this cause i have friends who are exactly this type but yet i am a fucked up and ruined the friendship. And even if they forgive me, i cant forgive myself and ended up distancing myself from them. The more i distance myself away from them, the more pain i feel. But the closer i am with them, they will be the one suffer...so i rather i suffer alone... either you get hurt or you hurt someone else. The more you try not to hurt them, the more you hurt them. The more you try to care for them, the more hurt you will get cause you arent in their priority list.
