Reality vs Dreams

The more people I met, the more stuffs I learn.
The more stuffs I learn, the more things I lose.
The more things I lose, the more things I regret.

The more things I regret, the more pain I feel. 

Sometimes, I just wonder what's wrong with life. Once everything seems so perfect, there has to be something that goes wrong and that's the way the cookies crumbles. No matter how much you hate it, you still have to accept reality and face it cause you can't change the matter of fact. 

I decided to chase my own dreams and went for it 3 months ago. However, in this process, I lost things that are remarkably important to me. I had to sacrificed so many things just to get to this point that I am at right now. I have to say that even though I gave up so many things just trying to fulfill my own dreams, sometimes all this sacrifices doesn't seem to be that worthy yet at times it is. 

I am happy that I am actually one step closer to fulfilling my dream of wanting to be a patisserie and even opening a cafe myself. But right now, I don't seem to enjoy this whole process. Things may be rough but that, I can hold on. But the people that's around me. I won't say that all of them are bad but partially is. (Yes, I know that I am not any better nor like the best. It's just that some of them just gets to me and I just seem to get even more tired and more tired whether in terms of physically or mentally.) Everyone will just tell you that "Oh, get over it." "ignore her/him" "don't care and don't think about it" And yes, I know for a fact that if he/she is not gonna matter 5 years down the road, why do I even bother with them for 5 minutes.

But like how my chef told me, there's no one man show in the kitchen and that is true. I tried doing everything myself but end up making myself even more tired and even falling sick. Just what's the point of doing that just to make other's life better and making my life even more miserable. This is probably one thing that till now I have not changed even after knowing the consequences. I need to stop giving and start to take. 

My bestfriend told me this, "How are you going to keep giving when you don't take?  And you need to realize that you need to take or else you won't have anything to give anymore." and the fact that I stop opening up to people makes me even more edgy than I was before. "You need to learn how to receive help from people and learn how to start opening up again" he told me this. And like yea, I agree with my own bestfriend what he said but it doesn't seem to be that easy as compare to saying it out and I know that for a fact for sure. 

It's just that I feel like and I think that I have already gave up. I stopped trying. I stopped wanting. And all I left is to stop giving. 

Lies

Everyone said "everything is going to be fine" "everything will be fine, dont overthink" "you will be fine" Such lies. It will never be the same anymore. Things changed. You won't get better or what. You just get used to it and live with it.
^ this is what i have learnt from life in the tough way. And during this process, you will know who are the people who really care for you and just saying for the sake of saying it out. Those people who are just saying it for the sake of saying it are just sickening and makes me wanna puke and think about what did I do wrong in my whole life to know you as a friend or even as a family member. It just so sickening and disgusting to know that people like them actually existed. 

You been through shits that I don't understand but I also went through shits that you will never understand too. So who the fuck are you to judge and tryna brush me off. If I actually told you about my stuffs, know that the fact that I actually trusting you that much. Learn how to fucking understand people instead of just thinking for your own self. You're simply so sickening and gross to even be a human being. Sometimes, this always make me wonder why do I ever have such a friend like you or even know your existence in the first place. It's disgusting to know that in my life, such people existed.