// Someone commented on my lifestyle and it got me triggered so badly. He said " how can I task anything to you when you spent your whole night not sleeping but drinking? What if you ruin the whole thing? " Honestly, I was heartbroken to hear that from someone whom I was once close to.
Yes. Drinking is bad. Not sleeping is bad. Combination of both and going work directly is worse. But I did it. I didn't take MC last minute. I did everything perfectly still without any mistakes. Is just I lost my feel of touch. I got it that you were worried because when I got burned by the oven yet I still have no reaction till someone mentioned my arm is burning red. But why? Why do you have to say it this way... as if I am not worth a single thing.
Nobody apologize to me for making the monster I am now. Why do I have to apologize of who I am now just because you disliked it. The pain, the suffering and everything I have been through is not what you have been through. I don't need you to stand in my shoes to understand what I am going through but please don't comment on my lifestyle when you know nothing about me. Because of your words, endless of nightmares with sleepless nights and finally a mental breakdown. I lost my motivation to work due to your words and all the hard work I did before were all gone just because of my performance that week was bad as this is reality of our society. All the good will never be remembered as long as you did 1 wrong thing.
// Thank you for your feelings. Thank you for loving someone like me. Thank you for trying to save someone like me. Thank you for trying non-stop for someone like me. Thank you. I appreciated it. But I am sorry. I am not capable to love someone else right now when I can't even love myself right at all. Someone who loves you won't make you feel this way so please, someone will love you but that someone isn't me.
I have been wanting to tell you this but I won't text you. So I'll leave here cause I no longer want to give you any expectation when I am not capable to fulfill any. " I am sorry for that day. I chose to show my true self to you and you couldn't handle it. Those are the days you will have to face non-stop if we were ever together. Please don't tell me you can and stuffs cause that day was a good example of reality between us. So please give up on me. I am not that good at all for you. And don't tell yourself you are not good enough for me or whatsoever. I don't have to heart to accept you and end up hurting you just because I have not recover fully from before. I am not going to put my past mistakes with my ex on you cause you have no reason to be the one paying the price for the mistakes he have done to me. Please move on without me. Thank you for your feelings. Sorry if I have gave you any hopes. And I am sorry that I hurt you. "
This has been on my mind so long. And seeing all the post you probably posted due to me... hurts. I am sorry.
// to those close to me. I am trying. Please don't give up on me. Sorry that I may push you away and then ask you back again. Thank you to those who didn't left still since secondary school. I am trying to figure out myself and in this process, if I hurt any of you, I am sorry. Please hang on with me. Thank you :").
