Cycle

I  have no idea what am i doing with myself. I thought...maybe finally i'll get better and recover..but no. I am back to day 0 again. Why is it that whatever i do never seems to be good enough for others? Why is that i always screw up friendship and then have mental breakdown? Why is that i cant be truthful to others about who i am? It seems like once i showed my true self to someone, that someone who is closer to me than anyone even my family, that someone who i know i can trust and just be at ease around them, they will leave. Leave me hanging there alone. And then someone will come in my life again and this whole cycle repeats again. I am just so tired with myself and with everything. Maybe i wasnt meant for life. Maybe i shouldnt have even existed...