Life.

Update ?¿

It was such a hectic week at work. There were so much drama that had happened. And particularly there is one that I would like to mention about. It was " double standard treatment " 

I know I am nothing much to look at and the way I talked resemble like a dude. But I am cool with it. So someone there did this "double standard treatment" and it was getting onto my nerves so badly. As much as I wanna stab that f*****, I wanna just chill the f*** out too. It bothered me so much that the very next day my mood was like shit and it was too obvious. I couldn't keep quiet about it anymore so I rant out to one of the senior there when we were both held back due to a class. He said this " Everyone has their own double standards, its up to you whether you want to allow it affect you or just let you know about someone else character. " I thought again and again but I just can't seem to get it out of my mind. So I told this thing to my close friends when we were smoking. And I told him that it was so irritating. Well, two can play that game. And he said this " If you were to do the same thing as he did, aren't you lowering your own standards to his? This just means you have become the same person as he is. . Don't you find that it is just a waste of time to even lower your standards to his level? " And this hit me so hard and I thought through what he said. Yes, he was right. Why did I even want to lower my standards to his level? It was so stupid of me to even waste my time getting pissed off and wanting to get back at him. Then I told this whole thing to my best friend. She said whatever my friend said was correct and if I really don't want to be affected by it, clear cut one line with the everyone that is associated with that guy so that you won't even be bothered by him. Holy crap, the moment I did that, my mood was so much better and my day wasn't that affected anymore. 

Life is always unfair. Nobody cares unless you are pretty or died. That's reality. All you ever have to do is to find someone that pace themselves together by your side and that's all that will ever matter. When something happens to you, the more you think about it, the more affected you are. And it's gonna end up you, being the one tortured by yourself. 

The other thing is " two faced "

Let's be honest, everyone is two faced. But whether you're being two faced to stop creating more problem for yourself like me or just lying for the sake of lying.

I am two faced so are you but you don't have to lie about it. You don't have to lie to me about whatever you want to do or whatever you think. One hand you tell me you hate it about everything but on the other hand, both of you are together. It is none of my business but it is irritating me about your obvious lies. If you wanna lie, make sure I don't find out. The thing is right now, I am not the only one who thinks this way, everyone around me is telling me the same thing too. They all think that you are lying so why the f*** are you trying to lie or cover just to entertain me. I don't need your entertainment nor do i need your attention. I am not a f***ing attention seeker so learn how to shut your trap sometimes. Like if you aren't tired, I am. I am so f***ing tired of every stupid drama I am getting involved for nothing. I am trying so hard to go along but the more you do, the more tiring it is for me to act for you. [ Yes btw I am also being two faced but its not like I have a choice, its just for me to create lesser drama in my life ] 

I think I really am done with my life for now. Everything seems to be draining me out so easily but too bad I still have to suck it up. Please let everything come to an end and just give me a break for a moment. I never ever ever want to relapse again.