The people that are blood related to me are constantly telling me how useless I am, how pathetic I am to be pursuing such stupid industry (pastry). As fake as I am in my workplace right now, I have to be that fake at home now too. I finally lost my strength to even have a breakdown anymore. I feel so drained and tired mentally that it is affecting me physically. And I have self-harm issues since I don't remember. They told me this that actually stayed in my mind 24/7 365 days right now;
" It would have been easier for everyone if you killed yourself so why not do yourself and me a favor by killing yourself now "
To actually hear that from someone who is blood related, from someone who is your family, from someone who is actually your mum and having your dad standing aside and keeping quiet. I no longer know what am I doing or why am I still alive even. I tried so hard, I tried. After so long, I got GPA 4.0 and was listed in Chairman Award for being top 5% but yet it is still not good enough to satisfy them. How do I become good enough.. can someone tell me...? It is killing me from inside and maybe soon, maybe, it will too late for everything.
Right now, at this very moment, even I, myself thinks that I am not good enough for my damn self.
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